Dirty Little Secret

Err.. So what's with the title?

Hahaha! It's the song playing here in FRB. Toink. Lame. But it has "connections" with what I'm gonna post today. Hehe. My DIRTY LITTLE SECRET which is not so little and dirty afterall. ^^

So.. What's this "secret" gonna be? Err.. Back, back! ROLL VTR!

The Question: What can you say about Bam?

Overheard:
- She is friendly and funny. *smiles*
- She is talkative and funny. *snorts*
- She was a snob at first but turns out to be funny. *smirks*
- She always makes me laugh. She's so funny. *laughs*
- She never rans out of stories and she is very funny. *guffaws*
- She is sooooooo funny. *reaches out for an inhaler*
- Bam!? Aha aha aha aha! FUUUNNNEEEEHHH! *rolls down the floor and exposes half her esophagus for the world to see*

Gwrr.. What fun.

I bet they're fighting hard not to say "funny-looking". But anyway, this is so not true. I find it rather FUNNY how they call me "funny".

Honestly, I suck at jokes. Like you would rather hear a talking mute than hear me deliver a joke. I can totally destroy the best idiot-proof punchline. And I'm made of 100% corn kernels. Example..

Me: Oi, mami! May joke ako.
Mom: O ano?
Me: Ganito, ahahahaha! May isang bata, ahahahaha! Tapos sabi niya sa nanay niya, ahahaha! Mama, mama, one mistake lang ako sa exam namin kanina! Ahahahaha!
Mom: *raises eyebrow* Tapos?
Me: Tapos sabi ng nanay, "ilan pala ang items nung exam?" Tapos sabi ng bata, "Dalawa!" Ahahahahahaha! *laughs hard*
Mom: *stares and contemplates whether I'm really her daughter or some alien from another galaxy who had liquified sweet corn for breakfast*

Driver: Miss, Bajada ka?
Me: Hindi. Tao ako.

Me: May tanong ako.
Jane: Unsa?
Me: Ano ang kaibahan ng vegetarian sa carnivore?
Jane: Duh bam. Ang vegetarian gulay lang kinakain. Ang carnivore, meat.
Me: Mali.
Jane: Ha? Unsa diay.
Me: Spelling. Hihihihi.

Me: Hehehe.. Ui, may nabasa ako na joke kanina.
Jenna: Sigurado ka hindi yan corny ha?
Me: *pouts* ay, wag na lang.
---

Then I realized that if I TRY to be funny, people end up looking at me queerly. Whereas, when I DO NOT intend to be funny, they laugh their heads off.

Karla: Shet, dai. Tingnan mo ang mangmang. Ang taray2x pero nagsusuot ng kurtina.
Me: Hahaha! Kotavare. Parang dikyang bangag! [*Wasted Jellyfish]
Karla: Naalala ko si Sam Milby. Mukhang lasing na piyaya!
Me: Hehe. Dinamakan ng Diyos ang mukha.

Gan-Gan: Look o, I'm trying to give up smoking!
Me: Ows?
Gan-Gan: Yeah. I look at the stick until the urge goes away. I can QUIT SMOKING!
Me: Yeah. And Barney has a uterus.

Karla: So Khyle, how's your boring life?
Khyle: Boring? Hindi naman. I have a new girlfriend.
Me: Really? Waw. Congrats. So what's the grade of her glasses?

----
Whoa. Pardon me, but as I assess these "incidents", it seems like I do SUCK at giving jokes but do EXCEL in insulting. And what is "funnier" is that people find the latter, FUNNIER. Groucho Marx did have a point when he said that:

"There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man."

Then here comes Avy. To whom I honor as the Model of Holy Kettle Corn. Some of her jokes were corny. And it reminds me of my "laughing-stock" days.

But then again, an insight do pop like popcorn at times.

On the issue of safe CORNY jokes and the insultingly FUNNY ones. A corny joke IS funny. A quip could not be called CORNY if it is not funny at the first place. So how does a joke become corny? Maybe this example can make it clear.

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Ako Maba...
Ako Maba Who?

Yeah. That was sooooooooo old school. I heard that when I'm 5. And who knows when did that really originate. But then again, when you hear that joke. It DOES sounds funny. But, the "WITTY" part of your brain closes the process because the "joke" is SHALLOW. It is something that draws the line. A corny joke is a funny joke. Only, it is so common and so shallow that WE could NOT accept that we FIND IT FUNNY. So before we could laugh out loud, we stop ourselves and blurt CORNY instead. A DEFENSE MECHANISM.

So maybe that is the "click" of the "witty quips". It needs greater analysis. And when we finally get the joke. We laugh out loud. Our laughter symbolizing our "smartness" on being able to get the joke.

There are people who are good on delivering the CORNY jokes in a corn-free manner. And I salute them. Anyone can be funny with insults. Try calling your friend a crawling mole, constipated seahorse, freshly-manicured octopus and such. It is funny, yes. But anyone can do that too.

Some people suck at "traditional knock-knock jokes" but do well on throwing one-liners. Some people are worth all praises on delivering corny jokes with perfect timing, but they are usually the victims of the insulting lines. And there are only a few people who can do well on both.

So they say that, "Laughter is the best medicine". Yes, it is. And that is my little secret. Laugh at everything. Your problems, your messy life, your grotesque face. Whatever. I can pass for "witty quips". I'm not insulting anyone. But if ever they felt I did, well, they can sure insult me anytime. It's a give and take relationship. They can call me a huge blabber-mouthed, cereal-looking creature. I don't care. Just don't say it in front of me. Or your in for WORD WAR.

And YOU KNOW, you're gonna lose.

Bwahahahaha!

I am soooooooooooooooo evil. ^^