WARNING: I'm getting emo, the song playing is Yellow Butterfly by Meg and Dia. Hehe.
Oh yes, I won't forget this year's April.
The first half of summer break is supposed to be fun. But what happened with me is the exact opposite. Uh-huh. I know it's a product of my irresponsibility and carelessness. I wish that would be the last time I would feel that kind of feeling. I wish that no one I know would experience what I just had.
The best materials for a well-planned suicide. The perfect storm. But I love you, kids, so let's chase those suicidal thoughts.
When would you know it's time to raise the alarm level and seek assistance for an upcoming calamity? Worry not, I made a list of the symptoms for the worst kind of disease there is: ITDITA (I Think Death Is The Answer).
Ask help when you feel the following:
- The time wherein you will feel that all sad songs were created for you.
- Wherein you feel that the only hope remaining is when you'll finally lay down six feet under.
- It's when you cried oceans that if your tear ducts ever had voices, they'd probably sue you for abusing them.
- When you go home at DAWN so that you can skip the forlornness brought by the "few minutes before bedtime" paranoia.
- It's when you feel that a plug has been pulled out from your stomach. Draining your energy and happiness away.
- You smile, laugh, roll over, and shout for joy. The you will suddenly feel your spine tingling when reality snaps back at your face.
- It's when you get fascinated by the gentle breeze, only it would be bitter cold (ten degrees colder than the usual temperature) when you finally found yourself enjoying it.
- You feel the urge to FORGET everything. Forget your problem. Forget your life.
*sigh* I'm soooo glad it's over. Actually, this is the real reason of my hiatus. Let me tell you a story.
"Not so long ago, there is this stupid girl who finds happiness in a world of damnation. This girl suffers from extreme internal conflict. She's a pessimist and an optimist at the same time. The difference is that, she becomes optimistic when everything is ABSOLUTELY hopeless. She existed for seventeen years in her hapless living full of self-denial. She claims rationality but she is uberly-immature.
A day before their final exams, her mother gave her money for her tuition. But having the natural, pathetic instinct to be lazy, she gave up after seeing the long line of people at the Finance office. She didn't claim her permit as almost all her final exams were of paperworks. Some people told her that teachers do not release a student's grade if the student does not have a permit. But since she's a hard-headed git, she shook the idea from her mind and continued living amidst the guilt gnawing her being. She will just pay after exams. When the lines were not long enough.
So the girl continued her life. Having returned from a 5-day vacation, she learned that her teachers did release her grades. Was she happy! Thinking that she has made it. But, alas, fate is harsh to morons. One day, she was hit by an extreme IM-THE-GREATEST-IDIOT attack. She realized that she lost her ATM CARD holder. In the damned holder were her ATM CARD and her TUITION IN CASH. So the stupid girl, wandered helplessly for days not knowing where to find TWELVE THOUSAND BUCKS for her future.
A friend told her that she could pay until June 1, and that it is quite a long period of time and that she will eventually get what she lost. A week after, the same friend informed her that the university will be passing grades to the Commission on Higher Education on April 24. Thus, her two-month extension was cut in half. She has to pay her tuition or else her grades won't be verified by the CHED. That means, she has to take back all the subjects she enrolled last semester. Making her A SEMESTER LATE. Which would probably make her graduate LATER than usual.
The girl won't allow this of course. So she tried looking for jobs. If she was just an inch more of a moron, she could have gone to prostitution. But thanks be to God, amidst her stupidity, her pride is above sea-level so she ditched the stupid idea.
After a month of worrying, large eye bags, oceans of tears, text messages to other networks, unending sermon from her grandmother, and continuous blaming from her mom, she managed to pay a day before April 24. "
And that's the end of the darkest chapter of her inconsolable, miserable life as of the moment.
Brrr.. See? I should be walking with the word DUNCE all over me. I am soooooooooooooooooooooo stupid! I still owe my aunt some money.
So I have to find a job. FAST.
Curse laziness! Argh!
Oh yes, I won't forget this year's April.
The first half of summer break is supposed to be fun. But what happened with me is the exact opposite. Uh-huh. I know it's a product of my irresponsibility and carelessness. I wish that would be the last time I would feel that kind of feeling. I wish that no one I know would experience what I just had.
The best materials for a well-planned suicide. The perfect storm. But I love you, kids, so let's chase those suicidal thoughts.
When would you know it's time to raise the alarm level and seek assistance for an upcoming calamity? Worry not, I made a list of the symptoms for the worst kind of disease there is: ITDITA (I Think Death Is The Answer).
Ask help when you feel the following:
- The time wherein you will feel that all sad songs were created for you.
- Wherein you feel that the only hope remaining is when you'll finally lay down six feet under.
- It's when you cried oceans that if your tear ducts ever had voices, they'd probably sue you for abusing them.
- When you go home at DAWN so that you can skip the forlornness brought by the "few minutes before bedtime" paranoia.
- It's when you feel that a plug has been pulled out from your stomach. Draining your energy and happiness away.
- You smile, laugh, roll over, and shout for joy. The you will suddenly feel your spine tingling when reality snaps back at your face.
- It's when you get fascinated by the gentle breeze, only it would be bitter cold (ten degrees colder than the usual temperature) when you finally found yourself enjoying it.
- You feel the urge to FORGET everything. Forget your problem. Forget your life.
*sigh* I'm soooo glad it's over. Actually, this is the real reason of my hiatus. Let me tell you a story.
"Not so long ago, there is this stupid girl who finds happiness in a world of damnation. This girl suffers from extreme internal conflict. She's a pessimist and an optimist at the same time. The difference is that, she becomes optimistic when everything is ABSOLUTELY hopeless. She existed for seventeen years in her hapless living full of self-denial. She claims rationality but she is uberly-immature.
A day before their final exams, her mother gave her money for her tuition. But having the natural, pathetic instinct to be lazy, she gave up after seeing the long line of people at the Finance office. She didn't claim her permit as almost all her final exams were of paperworks. Some people told her that teachers do not release a student's grade if the student does not have a permit. But since she's a hard-headed git, she shook the idea from her mind and continued living amidst the guilt gnawing her being. She will just pay after exams. When the lines were not long enough.
So the girl continued her life. Having returned from a 5-day vacation, she learned that her teachers did release her grades. Was she happy! Thinking that she has made it. But, alas, fate is harsh to morons. One day, she was hit by an extreme IM-THE-GREATEST-IDIOT attack. She realized that she lost her ATM CARD holder. In the damned holder were her ATM CARD and her TUITION IN CASH. So the stupid girl, wandered helplessly for days not knowing where to find TWELVE THOUSAND BUCKS for her future.
A friend told her that she could pay until June 1, and that it is quite a long period of time and that she will eventually get what she lost. A week after, the same friend informed her that the university will be passing grades to the Commission on Higher Education on April 24. Thus, her two-month extension was cut in half. She has to pay her tuition or else her grades won't be verified by the CHED. That means, she has to take back all the subjects she enrolled last semester. Making her A SEMESTER LATE. Which would probably make her graduate LATER than usual.
The girl won't allow this of course. So she tried looking for jobs. If she was just an inch more of a moron, she could have gone to prostitution. But thanks be to God, amidst her stupidity, her pride is above sea-level so she ditched the stupid idea.
After a month of worrying, large eye bags, oceans of tears, text messages to other networks, unending sermon from her grandmother, and continuous blaming from her mom, she managed to pay a day before April 24. "
And that's the end of the darkest chapter of her inconsolable, miserable life as of the moment.
Brrr.. See? I should be walking with the word DUNCE all over me. I am soooooooooooooooooooooo stupid! I still owe my aunt some money.
So I have to find a job. FAST.
Curse laziness! Argh!
7 comments:
Oopps... seems like you learned a lesson the hard way.. i remember a song from dctalk..
"some people got to learn the hard way.. i guess im the kind of guy who has to find out for myself... i have to learn the way.. im on my knees and im crying for you..
ive been down, ive been low.. ive been to places where you will not go..."
something like that. sometimes when we ignore the signs and reminders we learn the hard way.. and it happens to everyone.
you can still do it Bam! :) *HUGS* be blessed
I see you had a tormenting summer. That's good. I guess. Bad things teaches us lessons so bad things are good things in a sense.
=)
Well. I do hope you'll FINALLY learn. :)
O, may nakita ka nang trabaho? Mag one month ka na dito sa davao..
Alas! Life ALWAYS teaches us the hard way, as we tend to take her subtle lessons for granted.
isn't it strange how Murphy's Law always seems to to be true?
aja!
wala na koy laing maingon.
at least. dli na kaau ka mag-worry. ^_^
bammm! i missed you soooo muchhh! tnx for the comment. hehe! u dont believe im 25? then how old? 30?hahaha..
its true.uve learned the hard way. oh well, it happens to everybody. so dont say ur stupid. u know urself that u dont want it to happen but unknowingly and unexpectedly the worst did happened. u can always do better and now u have ur chance so try to grab it and do good. goodluck!..take care always. mwahugs..have a great week!
suicidal ideations eh? well, you're not alone. but you see, everytime i run out of endorphines (happy hormones), i grab Veronika Decides to Die, or ponder on my psychiatric patients and tell myself that i am sober than any of them. though i know those times, i give ryan a lota headache. and i mean a lot.
hehe. chill out. enjoy.
p.s. i hate summer too
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