The wind hummed a gloomy tune and thin streaks of feathery white clouds cut across the clear afternoon sky. The horizon collided with the tumutltuos sea as the waves crashed into the rocky shoreline in a hapless manner. I breathed in the salty air and let the warm feeling of being back in a place I considered home sink in. I took a rest on one of the wind-torn cottages that dot the sandy shoreline and sniffed the tangy afternoon air. The ambience was perfect for reminiscing.
I was on the brink of reviving my past when my eyes caught something on the sand beneath my feet. Why, it was a husk of bottle caps! I seized one and put it up on eye-level. Some child probably left it there. A bubble of joy swelled inside me. So, kids nowadays still play with bottle crowns? A smile curled upon my lips as memories of my childhood years came gushing in. I used to collect and flatten them out with a stone; pound it evenly so that it would be as flat as a pancake. Then, I would join the older kids in a game of tansan.
I laid the bottle cap and picked a stone. Not as small as a pebble but something rather huge to fit in my palm. I found the perfect "pestle"; a rough, grayish-eyed sedimentary rock that is the size of a small gourd.
I smashed the side of the poor bottle cap. The name of the soda brand fading with every pound... The rhythmic beating blended harmoniously with the twittering of the birds. The sound felt so familiar that I felt like I've been drawn back to the pages of yesterday.
POG! POG! POG!
I stared unblinkingly at a child who looked not a day older than seven. Her hair was held neatly in an elegant French braid; her auburn complexion gleamed in the afternoon sun; and her eyes were like deep pools of coal. She looked strangely familiar.
Drops of sweat ran down her forehead. She was pounding a bottle crown in a choppy manner. The sides of the poor bottle crown were severely pounded on one side and the top was inconsistently battered. Nevertheless, she looked completely satisfied with her work.
She, then, ran to a group of kids and beamed upon them.
"Can I join? I have a bottle crown too!" her voice sounded like the plopping sound of the soft rain on the tin roof. She then showed her dismal toy to her playmates.
A thick air of silence enveloped the children. One finally found her voice and blurted out something.
"Beng, you can join us but you're going to be the salingpusa."
I can sense that the little girl got hurt by the remark. Her pupils flickered like fireballs drenched in the rain. Her voice shook as she blurted her sentiments.
“Why do I have to be the salingpusa again? I’ve been playing with you for quite a long time and I was always, ALWAYS the salingpusa! That’s just how it goes even when we play sipa tsinelas, tagu-taguan and tigso! I’m so tired of being a salingpusa! The last time we played tumbang-lata, Tontong wouldn’t let me join because I don’t want to be a stupid salingpusa! Salingpusa! Salingpusa! Salingpusa! I hate it!”
Instead of sharing sympathy, the boy named Tontong smirked.
“Don't be such a brat! Of course you have to be the salingpusa! You’re too young! You can’t play well. You do not know how!”
“But why is Saima not a salingpusa! We are of the same age!”
“Because you’re a city kid, that’s why! You don’t even know how to pound a tansan well. Even my little brother can beat you in any game.” Saima taunted.
“So what if I’m a city girl? It does not mean that I can’t do it!”
The little girl was insulted. Her words were full of anger but her playmates crowded around her and teased her even more.
“You can do it, but not now!”
“Yeah, Gina is right! It would probably take you a million years! Haha!” Tontong quipped.
“Be a salingpusa or don’t join at all!”
“Yeah. Be glad that we are even allowing you to join. Haha!”
“Look! She’s going to cry! Iiyak na yan! Iiyak na yan!"
The little girl did look like she was going to cry. It’s as if tears would leak out her eyes any second.
“Isusumbong ko kayo!”
“Fine! Go ahead! Crybaby! Your tears won’t get you anywhere!”
The tension is rising up. I was about to stop them when an older girl, about twelve, stood between them.
“What are you doing? Gina! You’re the older than most kids here, you should have stopped them! And Tontong! Don’t be too hard on her. You’re so mean!”
“Shut up Nora! Don’t go defending that brat. Just because her uncle is our barangay captain does not give her the right to boss around!”
“Aida! You watch your mouth! I’ve been watching you from over the cottage and I know what had happened!”
Nora then turned and looked at the little girl. Tears sprang from the child’s eyes. She looked like she wants to say something. But she stuttered and ran away.
I followed her and saw her hide behind one of the acacia trees. She wept silently like the lonely sea sobbing in the night. I wanted to console her. To tell her to stop crying. To tell her that everything is going to be alright. I was about to reach up to her when she spoke. I can sense anger – no, it was wrath in her voice. Her every word seemed to have come from the deepest chambers of her heart. She spoke each word ponderously as if it was too laborious to tell such. Her tone is so bitter I could almost taste it.
“They hate me. I know they do. Because if not, they will not do that to me. Why does everyone hate me? My classmates in school hate me. Mommy does not love me. And now my playmates is hating me too. Am I that much of a loser? They hate me. They like seeing me cry. Maybe they want me to die. I hate them!”
The words hit me like gunshot. I want to say something but nothing came out of my mouth.
“Beng? Beng!”
I saw Nora coming. She sat beside the little girl.
“Forget what they said. They are just fooling around. I talked to them already. Come on. Let’s go back.”
“Ayoko! They are just like everyone else. They don’t like me. They hate me. Everyone hates me!” the little girl sobbed.
“Of course they don’t. What made you think of that?”
“If they like me, why are they making me cry?”
“Beng, they just want you to stand up for yourself. They want you to be strong. They do not want to hurt you. You are just easily hurt.”
“No one loves me. My classmates in school hate me. They stole my lunch and made fun of me. I do not understand why they do it. I can’t remember doing anything bad to them. They always make me feel miserable. The loathe me. I always cry. And when I’m home, my mommy always scolds me. She doesn’t want me to be happy. She threw the paper dolls I bought at the sidewalk. She only wants me to read my books even if it’s vacation time. She always beat me whenever I commit mistakes. My socks are all long and lacy. She buys that to hide the belt markings on my leg. You know what? When I’m at school, I just want to come home. And when I’m home, I wish I’m back in school. I am happy that it’s already summer. I can play. But now, Aida and the others hate me too. They don’t like me because they think I’m a brat. Am I that bad? Everyone does not like me. And I think you don’t like me too.”
“Of course not! If I don’t like you, why do you think I chose to spend my time here with you rather than play with them?”
The little girl was silent. I know that her mind was in a daze. She is looking intently at the sea. As if the lapping waves can give her answers. She stared at it for a time, then she spoke.
“If they want me to be strong, why do they have to hurt me? Is it necessary to make me cry?”
Nora took a deep breath.
“Beng, let me have your tansan.”
The little girl looked at her for a moment. Then she handed her bottle crown. Nora picked up a stone and started bashing the bottle crown. She punded it evenly until the surface of the cap was flat.
“You see this tansan? It will never be flat if we will not pound it. We have to pound it strong and hard. You have to pound it, even if you don’t like to, so that it will be okay when you play with it.”
Nora flipped the bottle crown into the air and caught it. She smiled and handed it back to the little girl.
“See? That’s how it works. If you are a bottle crown, how do you want yourself to be?”
Nora was beaming. The little girl bowed her head and was silent once again. She then looked up at Nora and smiled.
“Nora, why do you know about the bottle crown?”
“I don’t know. I just thought of it suddenly...” Nora stood up. “...come on. Let’s go back.”
Nora stretched out her hand towards the little girl. She took it and they walked back together. I was following them closely, mirthful of the scene I just observed, when suddenly the little girl stopped in her tracks.
“They’re... gone.”
“Oh Beng. It’s already five in the afternoon. They have gone home. Don’t worry. We’ll play tomorrow. Cheer up.”
But Beng didn’t smile. She just nodded her head.
Her fist clutched tightly around her bottle crown...
POG! POG! POG!
I looked at the bottle crown I was pounding. It was thoroughly flat. I can now pound evenly. Long gone were the days of lumpy crowns. I dropped the stone and shifted my gaze at the long coastline. The sun shone through the clouds and sent a radiant glow across the sand.
I recalled that day when I last saw Nora. I went back to the city the day after that. And there, I practiced bashing crowns like she did. And believing in life like she does.
I learned to pound well. I learned to stand up. I learned to understand. No more lumpy crowns, no more bullying, no more long and lacy socks. It just passed away with time.
I can’t wait to go back to the beach. I can’t wait to play with my playmates again. I can’t wait to let them see that I’m not a crybaby anymore. I can’t wait to see Nora.
But I was not able to go back. Our family moved to another place. And after ten years, I’m finally coming back to see them again.
Except that, ten years has been quite a long time.
I learned that Nora had been married two months ago. Saima is now having her first baby. Tontong is currently in Manila, preparing his papers for Dubai. Gina just gave birth to her second child. The others were now, nowhere to be found.
I didn’t have the chance to challenge them to a game. But then, I know that I need not to. I am not a salingpusa anymore. Besides, they would probably be not as interested in playing as before.
I grew up. So did the others. Everything is different now.
I took one last look at the endless horizon and walked back to our house.
The bottle crown safely tucked inside my fist...
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