10 ways to scare a Korean

Last night, me and my cousin Adeng (the devil in its purest form) decided to hang/pig out. We wasted at least 200 pesos for mere transportation from ADDU to Matina, to shrine hills, back to Matina, and finally back home. 50Php per ride. If you wonder how we ended up wasting huge sums of cash, that is because I cannot stop my cousin from riding air-conditioned taxis. She said that she's conditioned to do such things. She's the one paying for the fare so I just let her be HER. Haha!

The Petrifier and The Modifier

Moving on, we ended at Taboan on MTS for dinner. The place was relatively deserted save from a pack of male Koreans. A pack of noisy male Koreans. Blame hunger (or our distraught minds and nature), because we tried to take our ethnocentrism yardstick a notch higher than usual. And YOU know that ethnocentrism often works in a zero-sum way: love for own country is tantamount to non-love for a foreign country.

Everything is going well for the first few minutes, the Koreans happily conversing/babbling/guffawing in their own native tongues while me and my cousin laughing dementedly as we enumerated reasons why Korea is not a good place to live in. Everything goes in the spirit of PURE, INNOCENT FUN. (hehe..)

Until, two other Koreans came and sat in the table near us. Amidst the loud music, I hear the squeaking of the monobloc chair and the one degree per second changing of direction of the two newcomers. I nudged my cousin and warned her about the incoming catastrophe. And sure does, one of them asked if they can sit with us.

To cut the story short, my cousin and me survived the encounter. I think that my grammar is still okay (i wish, i wish, i wish) and that I can still construct a good sentence. We didn't give our two new friends a hard time, any way. In fact, we are very accommodating and friendly AND diplomatic. We even waved them goodbye (with our tongues wagging and our laughter a pitch higher.. KIDDING) when we took the cab home.

After the remarkable experience, we decided that it would be better if we know how to control the situation, granting that it would happen to us again. Getting distracted is probably one of the worst things that can happen to you, especially if you are in the middle of doing something you're really really interested at (like boosting your nationalistic side).

For that, I share to you ten fool-proof ways to scare Koreans (if you DON'T want to get distracted) so that they may leave you (and your language) in peace.

1. Tell them that you live in the mountains.
2. And that you have a battered panda for a pet.
3. Use the words apparently, juxtapose, compartmentalized, and paramount.
4. Use the words apparently, juxtapose, compartmentalized, and paramount... IN ONE SENTENCE.
5. Say that you're from a military school.
6. But they kicked you out because of your turbulent behavior. (Tips: say this in a matter-of-fact fashion. You can even add "well, that's how life is" accompanied with your sweetest smile.)
7. Tell them that one of your MOST REVERED ancestors went to Korea during 1890's.
8. Introduce your ancestor as Lieutenant General Miura Goro of the Imperial Japanese Army. (Tips: laugh like a demented hyena after saying this)
9. Tell them you have a basement full of flesh-eating plants...
10. And that Charice Pempengco has lost her way there.

PS. All things written here are based on my reality and is created for the spirit of pure innocent fun. Don't take things seriously. If you can't get away with your judgment, better yet create your own blog post. Besides, WHO TOLD YOU TO BE HERE? =)