Palindrome

It is 02022020 today and I never wanted to be alone as much as I do now. 

I would refrain from saying that I am in a bad place. I certainly am not. I’ve been to worse places before—hungry, broke, sick. I’m not any of those right now and yet I am in great discomfort. I cannot feel anything and I do not want to talk to anybody (except for a very few people, maybe). It is funny how the time when I feel that I have a lot to say is also the time when I do not want to speak to anyone. Right now, I know where I am, I know where I am going, and yet I somehow feel lost. Very much like how someone would scramble in the dark, but in my case, everything is bright it’s almost blinding. It has been more than a year since I got back. That means twelve months of constantly being in the company of people. This presence has sucked dry the life out of me. I remember the last time I felt like this, Vinnie said it was because I haven’t been given the opportunity to be alone in a while. Now, more than ever, I want to be alone and I need to be alone. How to do that in this extremely extroverted country, is the question. 

Ah, Solitude, why are you so elusive?