Tumindig

I passed by multiple houses with BBM posters today and I thought, “well, if he does win, my chaotic neutral self will be very entertained to see the shitshow that will follow”. I gloated over the idea for a moment only to be disgusted at the thought of it right away.

If you are indeed a friend who knows me personally—whether for a long time or just a few months ago—you will know that I have always been vocal about politics. Even as a teenager. And even more so today.

I care about national and local politics, because these two are interlinked, especially in the place where I’m from. I speak about politics because it seeps into every aspect of my life. Politics affect the work that I do, the place that I live, and the lives of the people that I love. As it did before, as it always will.

I am not privileged to a point that politics is only a mere topic over coffee or a passing whim—like a toy I could pick up and then return to its shelf once I’m bored with it. This is personal, particularly to me and to everyone else who has also lost properties, opportunities, and loved ones because of politics and the unbearable ignorance towards it.

Politics is all around me, all around us. And if some people cannot feel that, they should be grateful because they are privileged. Privileged and something else. Whether it is plain ignorance or sheer audacity, it is this ability to dismiss the suffering of others that I dream of having. To not feel guilty every time I think about not caring or “going on with my normal life”.

It is a shameful dream because I know that even if I desperately want to, I cannot afford not to care.

My good friend, Carla, jokingly teased me about “choosing violence” each day. Indeed, the world is a violent place. I could opt to keep my peace and wrap myself in a bubble of blissful ignorance but that would be a betrayal of the principles and values that made me the person I am. To pretend to know peace in a world that gluts you with injustice is to condone violence. I could try, as I once did, but I know that if I get used to it, I have lost.

So you who can afford to ignore politics, I ask you not to silence nor mock those who do not have the same privilege as yours. You, whose interest in politics depends on the personality you worship, must accept that politics is a reality and not a form of entertainment for many unlike you. You, whose life won’t change regardless of who gets elected, must at least have the decency to understand—if you cannot empathize—with those who will be affected by your choices. You, who have the option to turn a blind eye, spare those of us who fight the paralyzing apathy that swallows us whole.

While I can still do so, I will keep on fighting. Who knows, perhaps that chaotic neutral smug self will win, and I will cease to care. But while I still can, I will hold my ground.

Someday, we shall die. Perhaps that day is tomorrow. And when that day comes for me, I shall be happy knowing that I lived and died standing up for something.