Mission: POSSIBLE.

I just had my first overnight retreat in Manresa by the Sea. Yes, the same retreat house we went to last year. There is a God!

I feel calm and light. As if all the pain has faded away. I've been detached from my faith these past few months. Like Adam Aziz on Rushdie's Midnight's Children, I am torn between Eupraxsophy and tradition-rooted belief. Retreats and recollections are good for the soul. They keep it intact.

This has been my most memorable retreat so far. We shared stories, shared secrets, shared laughters, shared tears. We shared our lives. And I learned a lot of things.

Lesson 1.
God exists to make us happy. The idea of a Supreme Being is one of the mechanisms developed so we can cope with the harsh realities of life. God exists to provide hope. I don't want to question the existence of God again. It is difficult to do so. It is like getting away from your comfort zone and venturing to the deep abyss of the unknown. Before, I am happy with the notion of a higher entity guarding me. Now, it's difficult to keep the faith burning while fulfilling the yearning for knowledge. I find it really difficult to concentrate on our prayer this morning. I am pushing myself to BELIEVE. I am happy before. I want to be happy again. I don't want to feel lost. So what if there really is no God? What's next? If believing in God is a fallacy, then I think, I'd rather be illogical than be unhappy.

Lesson 2.
You will appreciate life better with the eyes of a friend. These past few weeks, two of my close friends, Paouwee and Millie were not in good terms with each other. I badly wanted them to be together again. Harvey told me that no matter how we wanted to help, we should leave the decision to them. On one of our activities, we were instructed to pair up with one another. WE paired them up together. When the activity is about to start, Paouwee and Millie hugged one another through streams of tears. No exchange of words. I can't help but cry. I have NEVER cried that much in public. I realized how beautiful life is if you feel its essence not JUST within you but with others as well. Happiness doubles if you feel it through a friend. I am keeping my fingers crossed that those two would not hurt each other again. I KNOW that they love each other. There is no reason for them to hurt and be hurt.

Lesson 3.
Childhood is the best stage in life. I wish I could go back to my childhood self. Back when innocence is still whole and untampered. I wish I can be a child once more. A child who lives on the simplicities of life. A child who finds it easy to listen, easy to express, easy to love, easy to forgive, easy to BELIEVE. I long for the days when I still find it easy to LIVE.

Lesson 4.
My purpose is to live forever. Because I will change the world. Living forever does not mean that I will exist physically for eternity, but rather, I will live through the people I know. These people are my world. Change is not necessarily holistic. Because change is evident at the moment that you touch the lives of these people. I need to start with the people near me before I can move to greater heights. Even ambassadors started on grassroots level. International Studies seems like an ideal course because it really is such. An idealistic concept to battle the harsh realities of life. International Studies is not an encompassing notion of alleviating atrocities. It is the unified movement of all integral components of a system.

Lesson 5.
I learned that my mission is to live life DREAMILY. Life is harsh. Don't make it worse by being too hard on yourself. My mission and purpose in life can be symbolized by a paper airplane. It does not have a specific path. It goes wherever the wind may take it. Coordinates are not a factor. It doesn't matter where it may land. What matters is the fact that it FLEW.

Lesson 6. (And by far the most important lesson of all)
A day is not enough for you to learn the complexities of life and how to deal with it. A day is not enough to understand and forgive someone. There is more than what meets the eye. There are more to tears than the fact that an oxygen molecule and two hydrogen molecules have the capability to conclude an entire story. There is more to friendship than the familiarity. There is more to An than being a Supergirl and the notion of her living a perfect life. There is more to Clariza and her goofy side. There is more to the International Studies students and their BEING such. There is more for me to be sorry for being blind to all of these.

A day is not enough.

For with them all, there is more to discover. There is more to love.